Electric Garden

I am currently working on a non-fiction book that will be titled Electric Garden.  I have lived (survived!) quite a life, and now I’m documenting it. I will be covering my experiences in the death/loss of my entire family in a short time period, emotional and psychological abuse, rape, marriage, divorce, addictions, dating in my 40’s, obesity, depression/anxiety disorders, major surgeries, suicide contemplation, abortion, God, bankruptcy and starting over.

My story might scare you, make you sad, and could even cause you to snort a beverage out of your nose while reading – but my true intent is to inspire you and give you hope. I have never believed that ‘happiness’ is something you can attain full-time; happiness is only brief moments. CONTENTMENT is, and always will be my goal. To be content with what I have, not worry about what I don’t, and to live my life treating people the way I want to be treated. I’ve found that this is the only true and realistic ‘happy’ lifestyle that can be achieved.

I’m certainly not a preacher, nor am I much of a church-goer, but I discovered God and what He is really all about; and it changed me forever. I’m sure you won’t find this book in your local Christian bookstore (I say motherfucker a lot), BUT, I do love the Lord and if you want REAL combined with RAW, I can give it to you straight and without hypocrisy.

My journey continues beyond this book, so that’s where the blog comes in. And probably a second book.

Excerpt from Electric Garden (Prologue)

Prologue:  Broken

“We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed;

we are perplexed, but not in despair;

persecuted, but not forsaken;

struck down, but not destroyed.”

2 Cor. 4, 8-9

            Laying prone, my body felt heavy.  My cheekbone pressed into the hard fiberglass as mascara ran from my eyes and dripped into the tub.  I didn’t know how long I had been sobbing.  I was acutely aware of where I was, but made no attempt to change my position as the water rose up past my lips and over my nose.  I must have accidentally kicked the drain stopper when I collapsed into a heap.  Streams of lukewarm water flowed out from the shower head beating down on my back like dirt being flung onto a casket.  The lights were off in my small, windowless bathroom, but the door was open just a crack letting in a tiny bit of light from the hallway.  I remained still and closed my exhausted eyes.  Water filled one ear canal muffling the sounds of the room but amplifying my heartbeat, and although this experience was unplanned, I was strangely calm.  My hair splayed out from around my head in the rising water, and I could feel it brushing the sides of the tub as only one thought floated around in my mind like swirling smoke – broken.  I was holding my breath, seconds from needing to inhale, now wondering if the pressure of the water entering my lungs would make me pass out, or if my body would instinctively fight to survive.  It was right then that I heard it.

“GET. UP.”  Just like that.  Matter-of-factly.  My eyes snapped open, but I didn’t move.  My heartbeat sped up.  I didn’t hear it again.  Did I imagine it?  Was I having a psychotic break?  Voice of God?  I kept listening.  Nothing.

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