DIY + Me = Disaster

I have never really been into DIY (Do-It-Yourself) projects; mainly because I have zero time. Now that I’ve done a few, I need to add “because I have no patience, skills or coordination” to that statement.  So, this post is not necessarily a ‘How-to’ article – more like a ‘how-not-to’ – and really just for your entertainment.  Or not.  I think I’ll just settle for pity and points for trying. Today’s post will be the recount of my *first* project.

DIY Disaster #1 – Painting a Frame

My mom loved to paint, and after she passed away I wanted to display some of her old oil paintings in my house. The problem was that they were still in frames from 50 years ago that looked a little dated and scuffed up, not to mention the wrong color.  I didn’t want to risk separating the frame from the painting at this point, or pay ginormous amounts of money to have them re-framed, so I decided to leave it alone and simply paint the frame. Easy-peasy, right? PFFFT.  Maybe for talented, self-controlled crafty people who do research before they embark on never-done-before projects – not me.

So I drove on over to Home Depot and looked for black paint.  That you can put on wood.  That’s all the info I took with me. After approximately 2 hours of looking at the 2000 cans of black paint, I settled on one, then got a protectant, because you know, that sounded like a good idea. Then I thought, hmmm, maybe I should paint the inside matte, too. White paint! On the way back I had to stop at Starbucks because shopping at Home Depot stressed me out and made me tired.

Behold the ‘before’ picture. I hardly ever remember to take ‘before’ pictures, so I’m pretty damn proud of myself.

Taping-off the parts you don’t want to paint is harder than it sounds, especially when you are trying to use 20 year old masking tape that won’t come up off it’s roll easily or correctly. OMIGOD I wanted to kill someone!  It was like trying to get a sticky price tag off of something!  An hour later I managed to get it done ‘good enough’ in my mind and started painting. It took FIVE coats, count ’em, FIVE, to get the paint to actually look BLACK. Also, sanding would have been a good idea. Sigh.

I was done for the day. No more stupidity. I needed to let it dry overnight anyway.

Then next day I went BACK to Home Depot to get ACTUAL painter’s tape. Taping-off to paint the matte went much better, however when I took the tape off, it took chunks of my newly painted black paint with it. Yeah, I know. I really do have common sense, I swear, I just misplaced it temporarily. At least I give myself good stories to blog about, right? The good news is, the computer paper I used to shield the painting worked very well and I never got a drop of paint on my mom’s work. I did manage to get paint EVERYWHERE ELSE, though. When you paint (anything), you need to take your time, minimize distractions and pay attention to the details. I tried really hard, but I just don’t possess patience for these things.

Note: Wearing an old shirt so as to not get paint on a good shirt is a great idea (especially if you have boobs, because you WILL lean over and get paint on them even if you are trying not to, I guarantee it), but you also need to wear old pants and old shoes because you will get paint ON EVERY SINGLE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING YOU ARE WEARING – I don’t know how it happens, but it does. Not thinking you will drip paint onto the floor because it is just a ‘small project’ is naive, too.  Put drop cloths down before you open any can of paint, anywhere.

After fixing the destruction caused by the tape on the black part, I then had to fix the black smudges I got all over the new white-painted part because THERE WAS NO F-ING WAY IF I WAS GOING TO PUT TAPE ON IT (I do learn from my mistakes). This went back and forth for awhile, and I determined it was never going to be perfect, and no one was going to notice from a distance anyway. If they do, and then point the discrepancies out to me, they might possibly be punched in the side of the head. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

All-in-all, it didn’t turn out too bad and maybe some day I will go back and fix the uneven over-spills. (Yeah, right!) It IS an improvement, though, and it looks pretty snazzy in my foyer.

Things I learned:

1. Research your project (no matter how small) and come up with an actual plan with a WRITTEN list of materials you will need.
2. Don’t try to use old materials you have around the house to save money.
3. Take the list of materials with you to the store so you only have to go once.  Ask for help if you are overwhelmed.
4. Don’t wear any item of clothing you care about.
5. Put down more drop cloth than seems necessary.
6. Read the directions on paint cans.
7. Give yourself plenty of time and don’t rush any part of the process.
8. Don’t use tape on newly painted surfaces – find another material.